Blended Families

Have you ever seen the movie "Yours, Mine, and Ours?" it is a story of a blended family. Children from two different households living under one roof. That can be an equation for craziness! The thing is though, it actually isn't even that uncommon these days. Did you know that most children in the United States, 60%, will spend some of their life living with someone other than both of their biological parents. There are many families whose parents are separated because of divorce, death, or some other reason. These families may be combined for many different reasons like, death in the family, divorce, etc....

Combining these families will take major effort and coordination from all members of the family. 

To help this transition be smooth parents must be constantly communicating with one another. Parenting styles must be addressed. They must be on the same page of how they will encounter problematic situations. Also, as a family all must be sensitive and patient to the needs and feelings of others. Though it might be a crazy journey, forming a blended family is not an impossible one. Love, empathy, and communication are the key to success. 

Parenting

There are many different styles of parenting.  These different styles can come from our different backgrounds, upbringings, and personalities. We may not know how to respond in a situation so we react how our parents did.

I could spend a lot of time focusing on what each parent style is, what effects it has on children, etc... but I believe that above all is love. No one is perfect. There are no perfect parents! We might not have all the answers, or all of the strategies... but what we can do is love our children. We can recognize that the almighty being, is the Father of all. He is perfect in His wisdom. He loves the children more than we can imagine, if we turn to Him in humble prayer, He will guide us and show us how to be the best parents for our children.

Our Heavenly Father has shown an example of how we can parent our children. Look to Him. 

Mind for a Mop?

I have really enjoyed reading these two articles:

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865587127/A-womans-education-is-not-wasted-in-the-home.html?pg=all

http://www.dennisprager.com/does-a-full-time-homemaker-swap-her-mind-for-a-mop/

I really enjoyed reading these articles, because this was a topic that I have thought a lot about as I have considered obtaining a Master's Degree. I agree with both articles. Having a full-time parent benefits the child. The more educated a woman is, the more beneficial that she can be to her child. She has so many skills and insights to pull from. I also really enjoyed reading that a mother should continue to stimulate her mind. She should read and study, keep current with the news. This helps her to progress and helps to benefit the children as well. I really liked reading this because I no longer feel "guilty" for wanting to pursue more school, because even if I do not become involved in the professional career, my knowledge and skills will benefit my future family.

Inspired Pattern of Counsel

In the post before, I mentioned that families always have and always will encounter crisis. The fact of the matter is, we each individually handle situations differently. Especially men and women. Because of these differences,  a lot of misunderstanding can be created. There is a way to solve this.

We must counsel together with our spouses. In our church, we are led by the Prophet, his counselors and the 12 Apostles. Under the direction of God, they lead His church. That is 15 people. 15 men who are all seeking the will of God. How do they do it? Each week they counsel together. The pattern they use in their counsels can be a pattern that each married couple should follow. It is inspired.

The Presidency of the Church

I felt that I should include some key components of this pattern of counseling. First, begin showing love and appreciation for one another. This will create an atmosphere of openness, and love. Second, the leaders of the church meet in a sacred place every Thursday, ( the temple). Find a place to counsel together, your home can be that sacred special place. Third, find a time each week to counsel with one another., Make it a priority, have an agenda of the things that and matters that you will discuss. My advice is to open and close with a prayer, to invite the Spirit's guidance. Lastly, end with a treat, or something! Make it an enjoyable experience for both of you.

As a missionary each week, we did something called Companionship Inventory each week. This was a time to discuss together. I found that it was a great way to understand my companion better, and to work together more efficiently. I know that this pattern of counseling is inspired and it will benefit the family greatly. 

Family Crisis

The car broke down, your Father is ill, you just learned that your child has a serious illness... Crisis. Trials, struggles. They come big and they come small. The fact of the matter is that all families will at some point face a crisis. There will always be stress, there will always be problems. To me through these struggles we must find purpose. We must work together as a family rather than fall apart.

My family has encountered many "trials" or times of crisis. Through these hard times we have found strength and purpose in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Above is a video that I feel depicts this perfectly. May we ever grow closer to God and to our families during the difficult times. 

Teaching Children about Intimacy

It seems like children are learning things earlier than ever before. For example, a 7 yr old family friend came home from school and asked, "Dad, what is sex? A boy at school said he wants to have sex with me?" What do we do? If we don't teach our children then someone will. It may be uncomfortable to approach these subjects, but it needs to be done. We must though keep it age appropriate for the individual child of course.

Below is a link of a section of a handbook that the church has created, called "A Parent's Guide" 

https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide/chapter-1-intimacy-and-the-purposes-of-earthly-families?lang=eng
Read here to gain more insight about teaching your children about these important matters.

Marriage

Recently I have read an article and I thought that it was very interesting. Here is a link if you are interested in reading it. http://www.dennisprager.com/why-a-good-person-can-vote-against-same-sex-marriage/

I would like to highlight some interesting statements from this article:

"The major reason is this: Gender increasingly no longer matters. There is a fierce battle taking place to render meaningless the man-woman distinction, the most important distinction regarding human beings’ personal identity. Nothing would accomplish this as much as same-sex marriage."

"By redefining marriage to include same sex couples we are playing with sexual and societal fire. Just as the entitlement state passes on the cost of our good intentions to our children and grandchildren – unsustainable dependency and debt — so, too, same-sex marriage will pass along the consequences of our good intentions to our children and grandchildren – gender confusion and the loss of motherhood and fatherhood as values, just to cite two obvious consequences."

I believe that this article supports the doctrine in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. It states, "ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

"THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity."

The fact is, gender matters. Marriage should be defined. From the beginning it has been, but we as society are trying to change it. There is danger in eliminating gender differences. 

Dating

Being 23 and attending BYU-Idaho, I get the question, “Are you dating anyone?” quite frequently.Dating is annoying. I don’t even know what it is anymore. I learned something in class this past week that I really enjoyed. It is called the 3 P’s of Dating.

They are:

Paid for

Planned

Paired off

In, “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” it states that a father’s role is to protect, preside, and provide. Take a look at this correlation.

Paid for---Provide

Planned--Preside

Paired off--Protect

I had never made this connection before. You marry who you date. Dating provides experience to prepare for the roles that both women and men have within the family. Dating also gives us an indicator about how a person will fulfill their role in a marriage.

Problem of Intimacy

What I am about to share, may ruffle some feathers... I by no means post this to offend anyone… but rather share what I believe. I have had an opportunity to study research based articles and studies done on this topic for my class. If you would like to access the sources as well, please let me know.

The question is… are people who claim to have a gay identity, born that way? I believe that the answer is no. You see, perceptions are powerful.

Let me explain…

It all begins with Bio Varience. Children are born different. Take a minute to watch young children or infants, they are different from the beginning. I mean, the world would be very boring if we were all the same.

We then develop and begin to play, and make friendship preferences. About this time some may begin to realize that they are different from their peers. These social experiences provide opportunities to see their differences.

Typically around the age of 11 or 12 children desire to be intimate (close to, belong to) with their own gender-Maybe a young boy has attachment problems with his father, or just can’t seem to “fit” in with the boys at school.

Somewhere along the line this desire to be intimate becomes sexualized. Sadly, some young boys are molested in their early years. They are confused because they like feeling close to another man. I will not delve into this portion-but during this process the person begins to draw conclusions from their past perceptions. When they have these experiences they become confused about how they should feel.

With these past perceptions and their desire to be intimate with their own gender becoming sexualized, the person then claims a Gay Identity.

In a way, I feel that being “Gay” becomes a solution or answer for being different. I do not like the word Gay because it gives someone a different identity, and words have influence. Biologically, we are not meant to be with our own gender. The power to create life is through a man and  a woman.

I hope that this post is in no way offensive, I in discovering all of this felt ashamed of myself.  You see we as a society are quick to label others as “Gay”. Maybe if we meet a man who is more fashion-oriented or sensitive… we in the back of our head “wonder.” Upon learning that some of my friends have changed their gender preference I have been guilty of thinking, “Hmmm… I could see that coming.” The error in this is we are alienating those who are different even more. We are feeding the fire. We need to stop ostracizing those who are different from what we view is “typical”; we need to stop isolating them.  

Communication

• Have you ever seen a couple who ever have their children smack dab in the middle of them all of the time?
• Have you ever seen a child clinging over their mother and distant from their father?
• In times of sickness or emergency have you ever seen the mother with the child in the Doctor's office and the father is no where to be found?

Men and women react to situations differently. Many times this can cause problems within the family. Mom may think that in times of distress the father doesn't care. Dad might be worried sick in reality, but finds that the only thing he can do to help would be to get the car keys and get them to the doctor quickly or stay at work because he is not "needed." The child may think that only the mother cares for them. 

All of these misconceptions and confusions can be cleared up with communication. People are different and react different, but through communication we are able to understand "why" people do the things they do. Communicate, it is key! Break down the barriers by being close to your family. Sit by your spouse. Fathers, embrace your children. Communicate and show your love for your family.

“So the whole war is because we can't talk to each other.” 
― Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”

― Henry Winkler

“To love someone with all of your heart requires reaching them where they are with the only words they can understand.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

What in the World?

I have learned a lot of interesting things this week, it may be lengthy, but I wouldn't share it if I didn't think it was worthwhile. Here it is...

The population of the whole word is declining due to the drop in the fertility rate. Basically, less people are having children. This means that the replacement rate is so low that the population becomes smaller. A replacement rate is the number of children that each woman needs to have to maintain current population levels. What happens with a smaller population?- there will be more of the older generation, and less of the young. Human Capital-is the stock of knowledge, talents, education- basically someone's skills that contribute to economic value. It is the "capacity" that people acquire to be competent, or productive.When there are more people there is more Human Capital. When there are less people this means that more people have to offer more Human Capital. So either these people offer more Human Capital, or the economy will suffer.  Just think about it, the innovative group is shrinking this means an increase in work and a decrease in income. Also, think about it... If there are more of the older generation who are retiring and will be receiving social security then there are less workers per person to provide that social security.

What are the causes of this decline in population???

Just off of the top of my head... Here are a few:

- Women's Revolution- This was a time where education for women and role in the work place was increased. With this revolution, the world began to "redefine" motherhood. Women became more likely to pursue success in career paths, and were less likely to follow the "homemaker/stay at home mom" path than before. Another contributor to this revolution is women starting families at later ages. I believe that many women even today decide to first receive education, and follow their career path... and then desire to, or assume that they will  start a family later. When this happens, males and females are an older average age when they marry and begin to have children. People starting to have children at an older age= people having less children. The likelihood that someone who begins their family at 21 will have 5 children rather than someone who starts their family at the age of 30.

-Sexual Revolution- The sexual revolution changed many views and beliefs in society. This sexual movement or "liberation" brought the mindset that sexual relationships could be accepted outside the bonds of traditional heterosexual marriage. This revolution brought: Premarital sex as a norm. Homosexual relationships. Contraception and the pill were made available. The legalization of abortion.

Regarding this topic Don Feder has said, "This sea change in attitudes and behavior includes at first, separating procreation from marriage, then separating sex from procreation and finally separating love or any sense of commitment from sex,”. (To read more follow this link: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865590687/Sexual-revolution-leading-to-population-decline-crisis-speaker-says.html?pg=all) 

Just think about it, society does not view sexual relationships as means of just "procreation" anymore. The world does not view it as something that should be solely shared between husband and wife.There are now many ways available to prevent pregnancy, or even end it...  Really, the truth is, those who are most likely to have the most children are a husband and wife within a family bond. It seems today, that marriage has decreased, while sex outside of marriage has increased. 

Individualism- According to good ole' Merriam Webster, this is the definition of Individualism-

in·di·vid·u·al·ism

: the belief that the needs of each person are more important than the needs of the whole society or group

: the actions or attitudes of a person who does things without being concerned about what other people will think

I am not saying at all that individualism is a bad thing. I do though, believe that our individual rights or views of these rights have become extreme. It seems like we love our selves over anything else. We want to make money, we want to travel the world, we want to have successful careers. These are all good things in moderation. In this individualistic society in which we live the shift is on self. Marriage isn't easy. Children are expensive.  Raising a family requires much sacrifice of the things that we want in our own lives. I believe that for this reason, that people are more likely to have less children or none at all.

What can cure this?

This question has been asked before. Solution? Money!!!? Give them money to have babies!!! In many countries the governments have decided to give monetary incentives for having children... but it didn't work. Why? Well just plainly, the people don't want the government to tell them what they should do. Secondly, if you have more money, it is more likely that you will want less children to enjoy it.

It looks like we are in a pickle here...

The world is declining faster and faster in both morals and in population. The solution is: Strengthening the Family Unit. 

Like I have mentioned before, a man and woman who are bonded in marriage are most likely out of all people to have more children. This is how we can increase the population rate. This addresses "quantity"... but what about quality? It seems like the world is not only declining in population, but also in moral values as well.

I have heard a few times before, that "the cradle of moral capital is the Family." What does this mean? To me, this means that family is where people learn moral principles, where they are able to lay a foundation and be taught to make wise choices.

The document that I have below is called The Family: A Proclamation to The World. I know that this is an inspired document from God. All the while I was pondering what has caused of what I have shared today and more it repeatedly came to mind. If you have a moment, please take some time to review it and consider how God's counsel to us given by His prophets can help with us with these issues in the world.

Follow the link below to read:

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

This is what I believe...